During one visit to Papa and Nana’s house, Papa, Nana, Green Grandma, Bunny and I went out to eat at a buffet restaurant. Buffets are great when you have a growing child. There‘s many different foods to eat, and when the child is really young, buffets are usually free. Great stuff.
Bunny was just about a year old. She already had a large vocabulary at this point, but hadn’t made any sentences so far.
So, we’re sitting down to eat, and Bunny starts making this frustrated “eeeeeeeeeeeee!” sound, complete with a grumpy face. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” She’s wriggling in her chair, “eeeeeeeeeeeee!” completely flustered. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” It‘s like nails on a chalkboard. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Dining out with a toddler is frequently a challenge, but this was above and beyond. We’re all going nuts.
Bunny’s Nana is a social worker. She’s calm, cool, collected. She leaned over and said:
NANA: Use your words, Bunny.
So she does. Bunny channeled every bit of her frustration into words. It sounded like she was possessed by a legion of demons. Every word was slow and deliberate. And shouted at the top of her lungs.
BUNNY:GET! IT! OFF! ME!
We all stared at her for a moment with a mixture of surprise, horror, and awe. Nana was the first one to recover.
NANA: Get what off you , Bunny? BUNNY:SHOE!
So we took off her shoes, and Bunny was content. We could finally eat in peace.
Yesterday was errand day. If you’ve never had the experience of running errands with a toddler, it’s quite an adventure. If you run errands for more than an hour or two, the child gets bored or exhausted, and you need to take a break. Otherwise, bad manners will result. I knew this going in.
We did errands anyway. Not just for two hours, mind you, but for eight. I didn’t want to do it that way, but sometimes you have to.
By hour number seven, it had been a long day for the both of us, and drama was in the air. She had started to act up at Home Depot, and the thought of making one last stop was discouraging. But, we needed toilet paper, and they sure don’t sell it there. I checked.
Onward to the super-mega-mart, where you can get almost everything under the sun. All I wanted was toilet paper. I envision how I can make this trip as quick as possible:
1) Put the Bunny in a cart; 2) Put toilet paper in the cart; and, 3) Pay at self-checkout.
In and out in less than five minutes. As we pull into the parking lot, I hear the dreaded words:
BUNNY: Mommy? I’m hungry. I’m staaarving. I wanna eat here.
And so we did. I had a salad, and she had a carton of blueberries. Her blueberry container boasted that she was consuming “Mighty Blues: The Powerful Snack”. With every blueberry she ate, she would display her muscles, thus confirming to everyone at the surrounding tables that she indeed was getting power from these Mighty Blues. Very cute and very entertaining. This “dinner and a show” made me hopeful that the rest of the night would go as smoothly.
It didn’t. After an impressive ballet-spin-gone-wrong and a more-impressive face plant in the middle of the dairy aisle, Bunny got put in the cart. She then went straight for the drama. Her “knee pads” hurt and she needed ice. When I refused, she copped an attitude, complete with bad manners and rudeness. I’m tired. She’s tired. It’s all downhill from here.
When we got to the register, I got her out of the cart, mainly because she had been using the lasagna-we-suddenly-needed as an ice pack. Bunny now went into full drama mode. So I asked her:
MOMMY BUNNY: When we came in here, you had good manners. Where did they go? BUNNY: I dunno. The good ones musta changed into bad ones. Two bags of bad manners. That’s all I got. MOMMY BUNNY: Well, you need to throw those bad manners away. BUNNY: Okay.
And she does. She goes over to the trash can, and mimes throwing away the two bags of bad manners. She then reaches into her mouth and pulls out the imaginary bad manners and throws them away. She walks back over. She’s hunching with her hands behind her back, and she’s pacing. She looks like a mini Groucho Marx. It’s damn amusing.
MOMMY BUNNY: What are you doing? BUNNY: I don’t have any manners yet. I don’t know how to act. CLERK: How do you get your manners? BUNNY: My bunnies give them to me. CLERK: She’s four, isn’t she?
Finally, her imaginary bunnies gave her good manners. We’re in the car and on the road. Things were going well. One quick stop at the dump to throw away two pieces of wood, and then onward towards home…
Until Daddy Bunny called. He just made it into town, and he’s hungry. Do we want to meet for dinner? Hold on, let me ask her.
MOMMY BUNNY: When we get home, Bunny, you need to go potty, brush your teeth, and get ready for bed. BUNNY: But Mommy! I’m so hungry! I’m staaarving!
Tonight, we once again found ourselves at Home Depot. Daddy Bunny went there first, and I brought the Bunny with me about an hour later.
On our way to Home Depot, an idiot woman driver ran me and two other cars off the road because she can't talk and drive at the same time. At one point, I thought Bunny and I were goners. We made it through without a scratch, but I was shaking when we made it to Home Depot. Little Bunny was oblivious.
Once we got in, we found Daddy Bunny just fine. Bunny ran up to her Daddy, and they kissed and hugged. I butted in, because I needed some consolation of my own. Daddy Bunny realized I was a wreck, and as he hugged me, asked what was wrong.
On Sunday, we were doing picnicky things, and having fun out at the park. Bunny spent most of the day either digging a hole or rolling in dirt, and having fun. She was a filthy mess by the time the picnic was over. Filthy and exhausted.
On our way home, Bunny and I stopped off at Blockbuster for a few movies. After she picked out her flicks (Scooby Doo and Strawberry Shortcake), I looked for something for me. We went thru the new releases twice, and I still didn't find anything. Tired Bunny grew grumpy and impatient.
Bunny: You're wasting my time. Let's get out of here.
MommyBunny: Bunny! That's not very nice.
Bunny: Okay, okay. You're wasting my time. Let's get out of here, please.
After raiding the ice cream section, and renting her movies, we went out to the van and discovered one really flat tire. She devoured her Cherry Garcia bar while I fixed the tire. Even after I had used a can of fix-a-flat, I was uncertain if it was safe to drive on it.
She was a much happier child with a tummy full of ice cream, so Bunny and I cuddled up in the back seat and watched Scooby Doo until Daddy Bunny arrived. It was a nice way to end a long day of play.
So, we’re sitting down to eat, and Bunny starts making this frustrated “eeeeeeeeeeeee!” sound, complete with a grumpy face. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” She’s wriggling in her chair, “eeeeeeeeeeeee!” completely flustered. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!” It‘s like nails on a chalkboard. “Eeeeeeeeeeeee!”
